been tired of xanga, so i transferred...

www.tabulas.com/~the_antihero

you think you are beautiful? you're not. you think you are one of the blessed? fuck you. are you divine? hell no. you think you are the one for all? pissant.

i can always see you... walking like the angel we masturbate about in our adolescent fantasies. i could smell your sweet, farce smell... you stink of decadence, of abortion. oh yes, i don't deny it... i crave you, i desire you... i want you as my impending doom, my inevitable death, as all of my principles crash down, die down, waste away. you are my suicidal tendency.

to you, i am a rendered background of a video game. i am the environment. the space you move about, the ground you tread on. i am the omniscient wallflower, catching your two-second gaze of cruelty in motion. then you look away. you bitch. you had me but then you ditch me from that limbo of two-second oblivion. i should take you by force and lock you up in a faraway castle where you do all my biddings.

but i can't. you are too precious. you are not for me. i don't love you... i abhor you. you and your newly bought cup of overpriced coffee. and your elitist-type cellphone. and your pack of tea-smelling cigarettes. and your fasionable, totem-high shoes. your in, rainy-season get-up clothes. and your sexy, funky hair. fuck you stereotype, i hate you.

oh don't speak... your appearance is enough punishment for a day.

reclaim me. i know if you would, you would reclaim your life. i am inching closer to the depths, even if i told you i would cling on. the sands are dragging me downwards... to the belly of the desert. what could you do to save me? what could you do to save yourself?

the promise of amends i still wait for. do you plan to make me stagnant in this phase forever? how could you surmise to take me back if you are doing nothing?

do i still have to be with you if you are not trying to be with me? you talk of the future when what you see is bleak? you make me talk of it when i stare at the the sea of memory enveloped in coldness?

there is nothing in the dark... oh wait, there is... just me. and i alone. and a shadow of what used to be your smile.